I'm probably overly tired right now and will probably wake up to think of how stupid typing this is, but I need to get something off my chest that's been urking me the past few days.
Okay. I probably never told anyone, but I have anxiety, and sometimes it jumps on me when I'm mentally worn out and not feeling the greatest. I hate saying it, but I worry. A lot. If I got a dollar for every time I worried about something pointless, I could retire in no time. I hate it a lot, trust me, and if I could get rid of it, I would in a heartbeat.
The other night I had a panic attack that came on me after 12:00am. (They ONLY happen at night and haven't figured out why yet) I no more layed down to go to sleep, and it hit me. My stomach hurt a little, triggered panic, then it took off from there and just sent me into panic mode. I had to get out of bed because all I did was shake violently and feel more horrible by the second. Thankfully I have amazing and understanding friends who helped me through it and gave me great advice and tips, and a few I did and it helped a lot. I was able to hit the high point of the attack, then have it start to dwindle down to where it went away fully.
For those who aren't sure of what panic attacks are, just let me say this: They are not fun, they are serious, and they take a HUGE toll on your mental state and make you feel horribly exhausted once they subside. It takes a strong person to handle and get over a panic attack safely without causing harm to yourself.
But I'll try to explain what exactly happens when an attack happens. Here's a link for those who want accuracy: www.helpguide.org/articles/anx…
But I'll try to explain (in case anyone doesn't want to click links)
Panic attacks are something that can happen often depending. You basically feel a sudden urge of panic out of nowhere that causes several symptoms: Sweating, numb feet, the feeling of choking, tightened chest, shaking, nausea, rapid changes in body temperature, heavy breathing, dizziness and the feeling of loosing your mind.
Of course anyone can have different issues from someone else who suffers them. I have: cold/hot sweats (my feet sweat bad, but they remain stupid cold) shaking, light-headedness, tight chest, stomach pains and uncontrollable crying out of fear. Mine can last from 1-3 hours depending on what triggered the attack and how well I cope with it. I try to talk to friends or my mom when these happen because accepting that you are having the attack helps you cope, feel, and soon calm down from it; denying having the attack makes it harder to get over. But afterwords, the attack can cause you to feel really worn out, and once you're calmed down and feel less tense, going to bed is the best option to do because it mentally wears you out, and causes you to feel really tired.
I can get panic attacks from these few things: Being away from home, being in an area where I formerly had an attack and if my stomach hurts bad at night (I fear getting sick a lot)
But anyways, I'm getting way far away from the point of why I even decided to write this journal.
The understanding of panic attacks. Nothing is worse than a panic attack, than to have no one around you understand your situation or even care to help or listen to your issues. It just annoys me and makes me feel like some freak just because attacks are a mental thing, and if people dare know you have something mentally going on, they stay away like you're infected with some sick illness. It honestly, truly hurts to know some people think like that, and that some people look at you or treat you differently because you have attacks. Then let's not forget the people who laugh at you, judge you or just drop you because of it.
I'm currently trying to explain my anxiety to someone close to me, but it just seems.... hard for me since I've never really verbally talked about them to someone; just over the computer and it's so different from having to speak about it. You worry about being looked at differently and being judged in person which makes it hard to talk about, plus how the person you're talking to might perceive it as. "Will they accept you still?" "Are they going to tell you something negative?" "Will they laugh at me?" "Will they just tell me to get over it and that it's all in my head?" Those questions and many more buzz through your mind.
Ugh. Long journal is long and I need sleep .-. Night!
Also, if anyone has panic attack/anxiety help and tips, please leave a comment!